Holy fucking hell. Yesterday was the most emotionally taxing day of my life. Every possible emotion you could experience? I experienced it. And it wasn't all good, either.

So we get in the car, my mom, brother, friend, and I, and drive to Edmonton. It's going well. We go to the Edmonton Sun offices, and get the tickets.

We're in the second frickin' row. For free. My friend and I squeal with delight.

We go to West Edmonton Mall for about two hours, browsing around, wasting time. I picked up a sweater at Old Navy, if it matters.

I'm entirely jakked up, as we drive to Skyreach. We get there, squeal more about our awesome seats, wait in line for about 15 minutes, get inside.

First things first, we find our seats. Then we buy some stuff (I got a Brock t-shirt and a Kane mask for my brother; she got a Hurricane t-shirt), put on our t-shirts, I buy a Diet Coke, and we get to our seats right on time.

The first match is Chavo Guerrero, Tajiri, Shannon Moore, and Billy Kidman. Am marvelling over how sexy Shannon is in person. Half-way through the match, we're told we're in the wrong seats. I'm panicking, worrying that our seats will end up sucking, when WOW. We go to the opposite side of the ring... second from the front, and right at the entrance way-thingy. I get to put out my hand for the wrestlers to slap! Whee!

Second match was okay. Val Venis glared at me, for like three seconds, for no reason. I don't like Val Venis anymore. *pout*

Third match was okay, too. Funaki is so cute.

Fourth match rocked. I got to touch Rey Mysterio's hand! Aah! Well, he was wearing his gloves and they felt rough, but I still got to touch his hand! *dies* Oh yeah, and Nidia's stomach jiggles when Jamie Noble slaps her on the ass. Nidia's awesome in person, though.

Fifth match was okay. Christian looked hot.

Sixth match: Ickle Brockie! He fought! AAH! He fought, gyrated, was slimy, looked hot! I was screaming for him the entire time. Doubt he noticed, though. I was the only person there cheering, besides these two guys behind me. Everyone else cheered for Benoit, seeing as he's from Edmonton. He fell, like, a metre away from me.

Seventh: John Cena vs. Lance Storm. This match was special. I was just too hyper for words, screaming and squirming around. When John Cena came through the entrance (a mere two feet from me), I yelled, "Nice trunks, Cena!" He gave me this big scowl and stared straight at me, then even took a step towards me. I almost fainted. I think he was genuinely offended. Good times! After the match, I leaned right the hell over the barricade, and got a high-five from Lance Storm! His hands were sweaty! I love him now! Whee!

Eighth match was Matt Hardy vs. Chris Jericho. Matt freakin' Hardy! AAH! I screamed "Fozzy sucks" when Jericho came out. Again, he wasn't expecting insults, seeing as he was in Canada and all. When Matt came out, I honestly had a spaz attack. He was a metre away from me, dammit! Anyways, when Matt climbed the turnbuckle, I did the 'Matt Hardy: Version One' hand gesture and jumped up and down, screaming. I must've looked like I was on speed. Through the whole match, I was screaming and 'Woo'ing for him. "Kick his ass, Matt!" "Come on, Matt!" "Yeah!" "Whooo!" I was crazy. I was screaming the entire match, the ONLY person in the arena to do so! When he was thrown out of the ring, he landed right near me. I went "You rock, Matt! Kick his ass!" And he looked right at me. I swear. I was in awe. He lost the match, but I still love him.

The Bra and Panties match sucked. The wrestling was awkward. Torrie Wilson was wearing the most adorable fuchsia underwear set, though. Good times.

Tenth match was Edge vs. Eddy Guerrero. When Edge came out, he had just doused himself with water. I put my hand out yet again, and he slapped it! I got the water all over me! Aah, it was sweet. Edge is so friggin' hot in person, it just isn't even funny. I was never much of an Edge fan before now. He's adorable. It was a good match, I think. I yelled "Get back in the ring, ese!" when Eddy was thrown out. He scowled at me. Good times. Then after Edge won the match, I put my hand out again - and got my hand slapped by him for a second time! Say it with me now: Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

After the match, I refused to accept that it was all over. I wanted to watch the wrestlers leave, so that's what I did. My mom was there. She would poke me every 30 seconds and go "Come on, Crystal, time to leave, NOW!" And I'd go, "Don't talk to me." I see Nidia and Rey Mysterio (without the mask) leave, and then some gross drunk guy comes up behind me and starts checking out my ass. My mom sees, is appalled, screams "FUCK OFF!" and grabs me by the arm, pulling me away from the arena. I'm so homicidal at this moment, humiliated, upset, sad that it's over, all in one.

We stop at a gas station, I look like shit, and I talk to my friend (she witnessed it all) about how humiliating it was and how much I hate my mother, while crying my eyes out. She's sympathetic. My mom has the audacity to say "Have some manners" to me. What, like you had any manners when you were grabbing me and dragging me around like a fucking 3-year-old? Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

The entire drive home, I'm listening to my WWF Entrance Theme CD's, perhaps in an attempt to make myself even more depressed that the wrestlers are gone. I cried myself to sleep during the drive. Around two in the morning, I woke up as we got home. Muttered a "See ya" to my friend as she left, she didn't reply. I was offended. Went straight to sleep when we got home, crying still.

This morning, my mom has the gall to rehash the entire incident. Even recalling it brings me to tears.

So as you can see, my day did a complete 360 as soon as the show ended. All day I've been scarfing down snacks, while walking around in a deep depression. I've overeaten so badly today, and didn't work out. I want to be a wrestler, and this is what I do? Ha.

My mom, uncle, and uncle's girlfriend all went to my other uncle's house for Thanksgiving dinner. I didn't go. This is the second straight year I've skipped going to Thanksgiving dinner. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Every time I go to watch WWE live, I'm sad, depressed, and brooding as soon as the show ends. The whole mom-humiliating-me thing just adds to it. I just want to be these people, though, I want to wrestle and meet them and experience this adrenaline all the time. But then I drive continually further away from the wrestlers until I'm back to my mundane life again, being imperfect and shy. During those two hours, I'm free. I scream, cheer, boo, I'm with my peers as I watch my idols and there's a possibility of actual interaction between me and them. Then to be ripped away from it all? It hurts!

When I get home, I spend the next day or two overeating and crying. Then a few days later, the emotions eventually fade and I go back to my constant journey to become a wrestler.

This morning my uncle - a fitness freak who's visiting - goes "So do you wanna be a wrestler?"

I go "Yep," knowing that I can full well make it a reality.

He goes "Well, you'd better start working out. You should go to the gym."

Me, so inexplicably offended that he'd say I should work out (I ALREADY FUCKING DO!), say "You have to be sixteen to go to the gym."

He, obviously unaware of my anger, goes "Well, are there any wrestling clubs around here? How about karate?"

I go "There's no wrestling, but there is karate."

Okay... I'll have YOU know, Uncle, that I am going to join karate the next time they accept new people! And did you know I run 1.5 miles a day, use dumbbells, sit-ups, push-ups, squats, lunges, and stretching? No, you didn't know. You obviously can't see my starting-to-develop muscle tone. Or maybe he's just saying this for my benefit, in a non-offensive way. But I'm such an emotional wreck that I'm offended greatly.

So, have I overreacted over this entire thing? Do I have some mental disorder because of my reactions to WWE live? Am I right to feel the way I do? I don't know, you tell me. Now I'm off to buy a copy of the Edmonton Sun to see the article on last night's show and a Slurpee, then trek the sizable distance to Video Update in the pitch black cold to rent a bunch of old WWF videos and make a night of it. Please do email me, though.

then + now