Okay, I have to admit, the only reason I ever wanted to see The Ring is because Michael Cole was hawking it on Smackdown!. And if those marketing people thought it'd be good to sponsor the WWE, then I think their damned movie is worth a look.

So I saw it, and this entry is spoilers-abound. Here's what Bill Muller (critic for some Arizona newspaper) had to say:

The Ring stars Naomi Watts (Mullholland Drive) as Rachel, a reporter investigating rumors of a tape that has the unpleasant habit of killing anyone who watches it, after a week's grace period. Why a week? Who knows? Maybe Satan sends the paperwork through by snail mail.

Did you actually watch the movie, dude? I mean, that's obvious! The little crazy chick died exactly one week after she saw "the ring" (thrown into the well), and those are her thoughts in the videotape, so of course it'd be a week! I mean, even I understood that. *rolls eyes*

The thing is, though, that's one of the two things I actually understood out of the film. The other being that I was cheated out of $4.50. I was seriously disturbed by the quick flash of Katie's corpse in the closet. I mean, Rachel and her sister were just chatting, when BAM!!! Scary corpse alert! Ugh, and Katie was such a babe before she became so horribly disfigured. I was too in shock to actually notice whether or not her mouth was stuck in a distorted scream as I thought it was.

Then there was some crazy crap about a family and horses, a bunch of dangling plot threads, and the movie was over.

Well, not really, but that's how it was for me.

I mean, okay. I don't understand why she pulled the thingy out of her mouth, why there were so many flies, why those weird island people screwed so many times if they didn't want a kid, and why their pictures were blurred after they watched the video. I also didn't understand why Katie was wearing a Catholic schoolgirl's outfit. But I digress. Also, I wasn't as effected by the horse dying as I was supposed to be, apparently.

Thinking back, I suppose I understand the movie. But then I don't. I just don't get why the little girl was thrown in the well, why she was perfect-looking until Rachel held her, why the marbles were attracted to the spot where the well was, and how the video came to be. It just makes no fucking sense, dammit!

Ahem. Sorry. I'm just a bit frustrated. Come to think of it, I didn't understand The Others, either. Maybe I'm just some raving idiot who can't comprehend even the simplest of storylines. Or maybe it's the movie's fault. I like to believe the latter.

"Well, I obeyed the tagline. Before I died, I saw 'The Ring.'"

BAHAHA! I get it! Ah, good stuff. ^.~

...Upon reading countless reviews, it seems that I missed a helluva lot of the actual tape footage that they watched. Figures, since at that point I was finding my soda straw awfully fascinating (okay, I'm a chicken, so sue me). I guess I'd've understood it if I'd seen that part, maybe? Meh. I don't know. That film's all iffy to me.

EDIT, 9:41 PM: The tape Katie and her friends watched in the cabin was the original. It wasn't left there by Becca or anyone else. They were the ones who recorded it. As Katie explained, they tried to record a football game. When they watched the tape, it turned out that they'd recorded Samara's images instead.

It makes sense! It all fucking makes sense! Woo-hoo! *does the happy dance, double-time* 'Cause Samara was in the well, directly underneath the television, and that's why it was recorded, and why there was horrible reception! People, the fog has been lifted, I now understand half the frickin' movie! Whooooooo! *runs away*

then + now